It’s August 1, and a lot has changed. My last entry here was about how stressed I was that the OJT would start, and it was clinical. Well, two months have passed and I didn’t die. Tomorrow will be the last day of my duty, and it’s not even clinical—it’s IO. I finished the clinical month ago, and it was interesting. I learned a lot, met new people—some inspiring, some not so much—but it was an experience. I’ll never forget the new knowledge I gained from it.

I think most of it isn’t even about academics; it’s more about handling myself when things are hard to grasp and process. I’ve learned to manage my panic since I tend to panic over things that aren’t worth it.

I can tell I’m improving, especially in socialization. Before, I would panic over small interactions, but now it seems like I’ve learned to handle my anxiety because I had no other choice but to do it. I was shouted at, I felt ashamed, I self-loathed even when things weren’t going my way. But I can say it’s really part of the process. I’ve learned that I am the only person I can lean on when things are out of control, and I have to be kinder to myself. The people I met during these times are just part of the journey, part of the process. They are there to help me discern whom to pick as a role model and whom not to.